Blind Date

Blind Date
By Byron


It had the makings of a perfect date, thought Martin, as he escorted Kelly to the front door of her apartment building. Only one thing could make it more perfect.

Kelly smiled sweetly as she turned. "Wanna to come up?" she asked. Surprised to be asked, Martin paused. "Now don’t think you’re getting lucky tonight, my roommates are here," she added with a giggle, playfully pinching Martin’s stomach.

"I wasn’t thinking that," he replied. "Only, I’ve had such a great time. I’d be happy to leave things as they are."

"And just leave me … like that." Kelly grabbed hold of his arm. "I don’t think so."

Her forwardness took him by surprise, but he let Kelly lead him inside and up the stairs.

"I’m so looking forward to crashing on the sofa," she said, sliding her fingers though her short dark-brown hair. I’ve been on my feet all day and I’m exhausted." Martin glanced her over, stunning in her blouse, skirt, black tights and high-heel loafers. Pity she had roommates. At least he could invite her to his place.

Kelly stopped in front of a doorway on the second floor and let go of Martin’s arm. She smiled at him as she slid a hand into her purse to retrieve her keys.

"If my roommates are here, just ignore them. We’ll go to my room … have some coffee." She turned the key in the lock and, with her other hand, pushed the door open.

The door opened to reveal a dimly-lit hallway. Beyond was the murmur of women’s voice, punctuated by the occasional giggle and shriek. Silence preceded a roar of laughter.

"How many roommates do you have?" asked Martin.

"Three," replied Kelly fiddling with the light switch. "Sounds like we have company though." The hall light became bright. "Friday nights are hen nights. Just us girls having a little fun. Watch a movie … share a little gossip. You know." Kelly slammed the door behind her.

Footsteps signaled a new arrival who thundered into the hallway enthusiastically. She was an athletic brunette, tall and robust, wearing workout pants, sneakers and a shirt. She must have been about the same age as Kelly, somewhere in her mid-twenties. "Kelly," she yelled. "I tried calling you."

"I was on a blind date," replied Kelly. "Remember?"

The woman eyed Martin with some disinterest before turning to Kelly. "It was a last minute thing, but everyone’s here: Kathie, Sabrina, Ashley, Julie."

"Teresa, this is Martin," said Kelly, making the introductions. "Martin … Teresa." Martin extended a hand; Teresa accepted it and shook it. "Nice to meet you," she said with a smile. "Nice to meet you too," replied Martin.

"We’ll be in my room," remarked Kelly as she walked down the hallway. Martin followed; but he didn’t get very far when Teresa grabbed his shoulder.

"Oh, no you don’t. Shoes and socks off." Martin paused and turned.

"Oh, sorry," explained Kelly. "guests have to take off their shoes and socks."

"Except special guests," added Teresa. "And you’re not a special guest tonight." Teresa pointed to his feet. "Well?"

Martin found the custom strange, but saw no harm in it. Using the wall for balance, he pried off one shoe and bent over to peel off the sock. He did the same for the other foot; and, shoving the socks into his dress shoes, set them neatly against the wall.

Teresa retrieved the shoes and then turned to Martin. "Jacket?" Martin shrugged, choosing to play along with the peculiar hospitality.

"I think she just has a problem with formal wear," remarked Kelly with a giggle as she turned to enter the living room.

"No," said Teresa with a smile as Martin draped his jacket over Teresa’s arm. "I just don’t think guests should come up her only to leave. They should stay a while … relax."

The laughter from the living room grew louder as he followed Kelly into the living room. He turned, expected to see Teresa. But she’d disappeared. Only a door swinging closed suggested where she might be. Seemed like a closet.

In front of him, Kelly squealed with delight as she saw her friends. As Martin entered, he saw five women, three seated on a sofa and two sitting cross-legged at a table covered in snacks and drinks. One of them stood up and threw her arms around a cheerful Kelly. "Girls’ night wouldn’t be the same without you, Kel," she remarked.

While Kelly greeted her guests, Martin took a seat. No one appeared to notice him, let alone welcome him. He turned, glanced at the television. But what he saw mystified and unnerved him.

A naked man, his arms tied behind his back and his legs tied together, moaned under a thick wad of duct tape over his mouth. His struggles elicited only giggles and mockery.

"Bet you didn't think feet could get so stinky," remarked a woman off camera. The comment drew a round of giggles off camera.

A woman wearing shorts and dirty running shoes approached and leapt onto a sofa. Wearing a fiendish grin, she raised a sneakered foot and, using the man's face to pry off her sneakers then kicked them off. Upon closer inspection, the woman appeared to be Teresa, casually dressed.

The camera panned in to a close shot of the woman rubbing a greasy, sweaty foot over the man's face. He struggled to turn his face away, but he couldn't. She used her other sweaty foot to hold it in place. Several other women returned, one using her high heels to hold his head in place. They cheered on Teresa's enthusiastic manipulation of the man's face.

"Your feet stink, Teresa," remarked one of the woman, holding her nose.

"Poor guy," remarked someone else with a giggle as Teresa calmly slid her damp feet over the man's disgusted face.

Martin was in shock.

Kelly then approached from behind. "You watching this old video?" Placing a hand on his shoulder, she continued. "I can't imagine what my date must think. You'll scare him off." Kelly laughed, as did the others, who then resumed their seats in front of the television.

As Teresa emerged from behind, Kelly proceeded to make the introductions. Ashley, a woman with soft features and golden brown hair, reclined on the sofa, her knee-high boots dangling over the arm rest. Nicole, sporty and tall like Teresa, watched TV, her legs crossed and her sneakered feet resting on the coffee table. Julie, wearing Keds and jeans, sat next to her, a hand fiddling with the hair she'd tied up over her head.

At the table sat Kathie and Sabrina. Kathie was more refined, wearing a dress, shirt and stockings under elegant boots. Sabrina was more of an overgrown Pippi Longstocking, wearing green tights and black combat boots, as she stuffed chips into her mouth. Sabrina winked once Kelly introduced her.

Sabrina, eying Martin, spoke. "We got our feet pretty raunchy for that one. Poor @#%$. Didn't know what hit him. Couldn't have seemed more surprised when we jumped him and stripped him. The guy looked absolutely humiliated. And that was before he got a whiff of my stinkin' feet." She laughed.

Teresa, standing next to Kelly, turned. "I'd been wanting to raunch him for months. I mean, look a the satisfaction on my face."

The others, watching the screen, giggled at Teresa's obvious enthusiasm for the task. On screen, Teresa barked orders. "Smell my nasty, stinky feet, @#%$. Have a good whiff."

Teresa pulled up a chair next to Martin. "We ran out of tape, but I had that guy licking my dirty feet clean and thanking me for it."

"Girl power," yelled Nicole from the sofa. The others, giggling, chimed in. "Girl power."

Teresa turned to Kelly. "Here, grab a seat. Let's watch it for a while."

Kelly, smiling, did just that, turning away from Martin to perch herself on one end of the sofa.

On screen, Teresa jammed her long toes up the man's nose and ordered him to keep smelling them. Everyone loved it.

"Such a flair for the dramatic," remarked Julie.

"Oh, that guy was hatin' it," said Teresa. "Look at him struggle. I don't know why they bother. I mean it's not like these guys can escape or anything. Sure, it sucks, but when you're getting raunched by eight women, you might as well accept it and do as you're told. The struggle is fun at first and then it gets annoying. I mean they're gonna smell our stinky feet, like it or not. "

On screen, Teresa slapped the man's face with her feet, telling him to "Stop moving." She clasped her toes over his nose and wiggled them. "Don't you like stinky feet?" she said, taunting him.

Martin glanced about at these seven women and suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. Standing up, he was about to tell Kelly he'd see her later; and then he noticed his bare feet. He'd have to get his shoes back.

"Would you mind if I got my shoes back. It's late and ..."

Teresa cut him off. "See what I mean. As soon as they get here, they want to leave."

Kelly turned. "Martin. Would you mind if I watched this a little longer? And then we'll go to my room."

"I think the video's making him nervous," declared Sabrina. "Probably thinks we're going to strip him and play footsies with his face."

Martin hesitated. "I really should go."

Teresa stood up and faced him. "Can't stand to watch some women having a little fun? We humiliated the guy but he lived to tell the tale. I'm sure you'll survive a few minutes watching it." She gently nudged him towards his seat.

"Yeah," agreed Nicole. "It's just a raunching. Like when we were in school. Just stinky feet."

Not willing to put up a fight, Martin sat down.

The women chuckled at the hijinks on screen, as one of the women, slid her foot out of a boot and slid it over the man's face. The man convulsed and renewed his struggle, but the women held him fast.

Some of them waved hands in front of their faces and wrinkled their noses in mock disgust.

"Oh, he was hatin' it," added Teresa with a laugh.

We were all hatin’ it," added Julie. "Your feet were so ripe."

Sabrina turned to Martin. "You should have seen how he reacted to my dogs."

"Your feet are part of a secret government experiment in odor warfare," added Nicole, eliciting giggles from everyone.

"When is this guy getting here," asked Sabrina. "I can't wait to try out these weapons on someone's face."

"What guy?" asked Kathie. "We couldn't get him over here tonight, so we got the video instead."

"You're kidding, right?" replied Sabrina, arching her eyebrows.

Nicole also seemed surprised by this piece of news. "What were we doing getting our feet smelly if we weren't going to raunch anyone."

"Amy and Lynn said they'd try to bring someone," continued Kathie. "They'll be here any minute now. "

"If I don't get someone to do our nasty feet, I'll make you smell 'em."

"Don't blame me," added Kathie. "At least I try to bring guys here."

Martin didn’t like the sound of nay of this.

For five minutes, the women gave the video their undivided attention, watching as several women took turns sliding toes over the man's nose and under his nostrils, demanding he smell them. "Smell my stinky feet," she yelled. He moaned and shook his head, until a kick to the face stopped him. You could hear a deep intake of breath through a set of sweaty, dirty toes.

Then the doorbell rang. Teresa leapt to her feet and thundered down the hallway. Women could be heard talking and laughing outside.

"They'd better have a man," snarled Sabrina. She slammed a booted heel onto the table. "Or there'll be hell to pay. I'm getting these babies sniffed come hell or high water."

"Take it easy," replied Kathie.

And then the new arrivals emerged, without a man. Amy, a professional woman with slacks and high heels, smiled at everyone. Lynn, more casual in a jacket, skirt and loafers, followed.

Teresa shrugged.

"Sorry," added Amy. "The offer of something kinky didn't interest any one. We tried."

"Tried?" said Nicole. "You think I wear my Nike's without socks for several days without washing ... for fun?"

"Why not this guy?" asked Sabrina. "We'll do him." She turned to him. "Ever got raunched with nine pairs of stinking feet? I may even have some surprises between my toes. I can’t speak for the others, though."

"Yeah," said Julie, echoing the sentiments of the others. "No one told me we wouldn't have a guy. I came here to have some fun. Why can't we just raunch him?"

"I haven’t washed my feet for days," replied Lynn with a giggle. "I'm for it.Totally."

"Stinky good fun," giggled Ashley.

Martin stood. "No. I should go." He pondered whether to just make a run for it, shoes or no shoes. But with Kelly's approach, he waited.

She turned to the others. "I had a great time with this guy tonight. I actually thought I wouldn't mind goin' to bed with him. After all, he's really cute and sweet. But you're all my close friends. You've made sacrifices in difficult situations, and I should do the same." She shrugged. "He's here. So why waste a good opportunity."

"Now we're talking," added Sabrina with a smirk as she leapt to her feet.

Nicole and Teresa howled and whistled.

"Besides, my feet kinda stink. I think it'd be fun. Girl power." Kelly raised her arms.

The other chimed in. "Girl power."

Without thinking, Martin made a mad dash for the hallway and raced toward the front door. He reached for the lock, but couldn't figure it out. He turned it, it wouldn't unlock. He turned it the other way. It still wouldn't unlock.

Martin turned only to see Teresa, Sabrina and Kathie smiling at him. "Leaving so soon?" asked Teresa. Several others converged into the hallway and approached him. Had Kelly brought him up here for this? Was this a trap? He didn't have time to think. He glanced about for a way out. The closet?

"Playing hard to get. I love it." remarked Sabrina. "Come on. Let's strip him." He yelled as the girls rushed him, sending him back against the door. Hands grappled with him, clutching and pulling at him until he slid to the floor.

They giggled as they began pulling him by his feet into the living room. He struggled but there were too many of them. His arms were pulled over his head and his shirt yanked up over his face. More whistles and cackles accompanied the removal of his pants. They slid them down his legs and whisked them off with a flourish. His shirt soon followed and cuffs quickly attached to his wrists.

Kelly stood over him and bending over, grabbed hold of his briefs and slid them down his legs, much to the enthusiasm of the small crowd. She brandished them like a trophy as she walked away.

Nicole and Teresa, all smiles, quickly wound rope about his legs, tightening them with dexterous efficiency. It couldn't have been more than twenty seconds before he was tied securely on his back, duct tape drawn over his mouth and pressed into place.

The women cheered and applauded, gazing down at him with mischievous, playful grins. Teresa gave the others high fives.

"Ready for lots of stinky feet," asked Teresa, taking a seat at the sofa next to him. She crossed a leg and began to untie the laces on her old converse sneakers.

Martin moaned his objections but it just seemed funny to them.

Teresa continued unlacing her sneakers. I'd advise everyone to back away." They giggled but gave her space.

She pulled it off and then quickly pressed her dirty, damp size 9 sock foot onto his face. Her sock revealed the dirty imprint of her toes and heel before finding his face. The musty, pungent stench shocked him momentarily as he inhaled the concentrated stink of well-worn socks. She grappled with his nose, leaving him no choice but to breath in noseful after noseful of the sour, cheesy odor of her sock toes.

Everyone was cheering her on, just as they did in the video; and groaning at the pungent smell.

"Disgusting," remarked Ashley, waving a hand in front of her face.

"Come on," said Teresa. "If you're going to raunch a guy, make it worthwhile. My feet are always gonna stink."

Not to soon, her other sock foot joined the first, sliding freely over his face as he tried to turn away, moaning helplessly as her damp sock toes clutched at his nose. "Bet you never thought you'd be smelling nasty feet tonight?"

Martin had no reply. He tried to turn his face, but couldn't. All he could do was inhale the foul stink of unwashed socks. But the socks were a breeze compared to her sticky, grimy bare feet. One sock and then another dropped to his face before she began grinding them over his nose with her bare toes.

Teresa knew what she was doing when she clutched at the socks with her toes and threw them off, quickly pressing her toes up against his nose so he would have to sniff under her toenails. Flacks of red were evidence she'd painted her nails weeks before, but they were dirty now, the skin a little rough as she wiggled them up and over his nose.

"Smell my feet," she demanded, cupping one set of toes over his nose and then another set. Martin couldn't have felt more degraded. More than the stench of unwashed, sweaty feet was the laughter from the others who loved every minute of his humiliation.

Martin could see Kelly smiling above him and then the musty smell of old leather and stale foot sweat greeted his nose. Kelly had slid a stocking foot over his cheek and up towards his nose.

Teresa made way for Kelly who, grinning, cupped her stocking toes over his nose. The sharp, vinegary stench sickened him but he sniffed and sniffed again. He had no choice.

"See. Your feet do smell nasty," remarked Kathie. "I can smell 'em from here."

Kelly giggled as another warm stocking foot slid over his face. She wiggled her toes inside the stockings as she let her feet play over his face. "I love this," she muttered.

Teresa, standing over him with a grin, held aloft one of her vinegary sweat-soaked socks. "Bombs away," she yelled as she let go. Kelly removing her feet dropped them to the side of his face to hold his head in place as Teresa arched her foot and extended her long, dirty toes to his face, holding them just over his nose.

"Smell my sweaty foot." Martin sniffed, and the stale, sour stink still nauseated him. How long had she gone without washing her feet? He must have looked disgusted because she laughed. "I guess my feet packed quite a punch. I wore the same socks all week." She gave his nose a few squeezes before pressing the tips of her toes under his nostrils. "Pretty cheesy, huh?"

Teresa did the same with the other foot before stepping away to let Kelly slide her pungent stocking feet back on to Martin’s face, clutching at his nose with her toes. "Who has the smelliest feet." She asked with a giggle.

"Probably me," said Sabrina who leaped on top of him, knocking the window out of him. He took a sharp intake of breath, breathing in the stale aroma of Kelly’s well-worn loafers and old foot sweat.

"Ooh, that feels great,’ said Kelly, remarking on the cool air Martin breathed through her warm, sweaty toes.

Sabrina gazed at him as she began to unbutton and unzip her enormous combat boots. "Perhaps everyone should clear the room before I get my feet done."

"You’ll clear it anyway," remarked Nicole with a laugh. Nudging martin’s head with her sneakered foot, she encouraged him to ‘hang in there ‘cause Sabrina’s gonna put you through hell." Everyone laughed as they backed away.

Sabrina continued to unbutton and unlace until she began to pry her boot off, screwing up her face with the effort. She groaned and then the boot was off. Sabrina smiled as she tossed it aside, presenting him with the blackened sole of her stocking feet. She wiggled her toes. "Free at last."

A hot rush of sour feet filed the air, drawing groans from the others. It was a sharp, overpowering stench, something akin to grated cheese and sour milk, but sharper. And as her rough stocking foot pressed onto his face, he could feel his face moisten with sweat. The stocking foot smelled of old boot leather and sweat. He turned sharply but Sabrina was rough, pressing her foot hard over his face and ordering him to "smell my stinkin’ foot."

Sabrina smirked, amused by martin’s discomfort and by the ease with which she kept his face in place under her greasy, warm stocking foot.

"Now let’s hear some quality sniffing while I take off the other one." He took a quick breath and then held it. He couldn’t stand the smell ofher foot.

Sabrina, then raised herself and dropped herself onto his chest, forcing him to take a long, deep breath. Her feet absolutely reeked and she wiggled her toes over his nose as if it didn’t matter.

With her other boot off, she jammed the other dirty stocking foot onto his face, rubbing them up and down the length of his face and squeezing his nose with her toes. Martin inhaled. Oh, it was sickening. So cheesy and sour. Nothing degraded him more than the stench of Sabrina’s feet.

"Mmmn. Feels good when you get the cool air through your toes." Everyone giggled.

With a few deft movements, Sabrina began unrolling the tights down her legs, and, one by one, off her feet. She yanked the tape from off Martin’s mouth, gave him a second to breath in freash air, but not enough time to say anything. Before he could speak, she stuffed the toe ends of her tights into his mouth and resealed the tape over top.

Everyone applauded Sabrina’s creativity. "Disgustingly terrific," observed Teresa.

Sabrina’s feet were damp with sweat, and Martin could see flecks of black nail polish on her toes as she wiggled them in front of him before curling them over his nose. Her feet were positively cheesy, like strong cheddar and milk. And she slid her sweaty, dirty toes over his nose and around his nose before jamming two toes at a time into his nostrils and ordering him to "have a good whiff."

Kelly’s stocking toes once again held his forehead in place while Teresa slid a greasy bare foot over his cheek. His face was covered in feet, and the combined stink assaulted his senses.

Martin surrendered to Sabrina’s horrendous foot odor, taking breath after breath, until he didn’t care anymore. The women rubbed their feet over his face however they liked; he could do nothing. Toes grabbed his nose and he sniffed as directed.

And then two new arrivals grabbed seats on either side of him. Nicole eagerly flung off a running shoe, as did Julie who kicked off one of her Keds. But Nicole got him first and pressed her warm, pungent size 10 ½ sock feet onto his face, cupping her long toes over his nose and demanding he "smell my stinky feet." He sniffed. The robust stench, as of old sneakers and sweaty athletic socks was too much. Nicole giggled as she wiggled her toes over his nose and under, sliding her feet up to press her heels over his nose and then returning her dirty, slender toes over his nose.

Nicole dropped her feet to the side of his face to allow Julie a chance at humiliating Martin with her smelly feet. Vinegar and cheese, so sharp it made his eyes smart. Julie’s feet were soaked and he could feel her foot sweat adding to the sweat which caked his face. Julie laughed as she gave his nose a playful squeeze. "Have a whiff," she said.

Martin sniffed. But by now he was accustomed to the stink. Even when Sabrina reintroduced her malodorous dogs to his face, along with Julie’s and Nicole’s, he didn’t flinch. Toes curled over his nose, orders to ‘Sniff" given, but he lost track of whose feet. It didn’t matter anymore. There were at least three pairs of stinking feet on his face at any given time; how could he keep track?

Then one by one, Ashley, Kathie, Amy and Lynn, shoved their stinking stocking feet and bare feet onto his face, smearing him with stale foot sweat, curling stocking toes and sock toes over his nose and ordering him to sniff.

With Nicole’s dirty sock stuffed in his mouth, he was sucking on the vile taste of her running shoes, while Lynn taunted him with her cheesy stocking toes, rubbing them under his nose. Ashley and Amy were sliding pedicured but musty-smelling feet over his face and laughing. Kathie had just removed her boots before pressing her smelly dark socked feet onto his face. Her bare toes were stale and slightly cheesy. But Martin took deep sniffs; he didn’t care anymore. And the women loved it. Even Kelly returned her bare feet to his face, playing with his nose when Kathie wasn’t.

I think he’s suffered enough," declared Kelly, her feet covering his face. "I want my toes sucked."

"Yeah," agreed Teresa. ""I think we’ll have him like our sweaty feet clean. Ready to suck on some dirty toes?" Everyone cheered.

Once again, the duct tape was torn from his face. Teresa wiggled her dirty toes over his mouth before sliding them inside. Martin put up no resistence. It was gone, and they took full advantage of it. Her soles were filthy but he didn’t care. He could feel her long toes wiggling inside his mouth. His tongue began to slide under her toes and between them.
"Oh, this is good. Hope they taste good."

With Kelly’s sour-smelling bare toes over his nose, Martin was also taste the bitter, salty flavor of days of Teresa’s foot sweat. ‘Suck my toes," commanded Teresa. And he did so. He licked the length of her soiled soles and sucked on her dirty heels.

"I don’t think I could ever give this up,"she said angling her sole to get his tongue on a few final spots. Teresa then slid another dirty, sweaty foot into his mouth, wiggling her toes until his tongue pressed up against the underside of her toes and between them. He sucked and licked, once again cleaning Teresa’s foot.

"He’s pretty good," she remarked, admiring her foot. "he got all the sweat and dirt."

"We’ll have to keep him," laughed Sabrina as she approached, wiggling her toes over his mouth until he opened it, tasting the bitter, acrid taste of her foot sweat as she slid her dirty toes in and out of his mouth. "Suck on them," she ordered. He did.

One by one, the women took turns, sliding grubby, dirty toes into his willing mouth, sliding dirt creased soles over his tongue and ordering their hardened heels licked clean. He cleaned between toes when asked; and continued to sniff stinky toes which continued to play over his face as he licked and sucked, obediently.

Hours had ticked by as if an eternity, and Martin had been smelling their stinky feet solid for the entire duration. It must have been three in the morning, but martin didn’t care. Nothing mattered now. Not even the cheesy toes which still slithered over his nose or the sole which rubbed against his chest.

The women grew tired, but Martin was even more tired. And when they untied him, he didn’t even realize he was a free man. They helped him up, grabbing and squeezing him playfully.

"Thanks for smelling our feet, Martin," said Teresa as she handed him his clothes. ‘That was cool of you." As if he had a choice.

"He sure knew how to suck my toes," commented Kelly who gave him a hug. "It was sweet how you smelled everyone’s feet, even Sabrina’s."

‘Come back if you’d like to be our footboy, added Sabrina. "You could stay here. And I could always use a little foot worship at the end of the day."

It was absurd. They’d coerced him but acted as if he’d volunteered.

A listless Martin dressed and shuffled outside along with some of the others. Someone squeezed his ass before leaving. Once outside, he could hear the hard clatter of booted feet walking away.

"Thanks, Martin."

"Let’s do it again."

"You were great."

It was surreal. Alone on the sidewalk, he had to reflect. Reaching in his pocket, he couldn’t find his wallet. He must have left it inside.

He turned, entered the apartment building and ascended the stairs. He could hear someone running to the door as the doorbell rang. The door opened, it was Teresa who let him in, closing the door behind him

Kelly and Sabrina appeared at the door.

"I knew you’d come back." Sabrina and Teresa couldn’t appear more pleased as they grabbed him and escorted him inside. "I thought my feet might have been too nasty for you," said Sabrina as she held his arm.

Did they think he was offering himself again? It took him a few seconds to realizing they were pulling his clothes off, Kelly once again sliding his underpants off. Tersa led him away, but he didn’t care. Perhaps he wanted to stay.

"You can sleep at the foot of my bed," remarked Kelly.

And so that’s what happened. Martin became their footboy. Oh, the hazards of going on blind dates, but who could have expected nine pairs of sweaty, stinky feet? It took a while to understand why he didn’t mind. He’d accepted it, and quite possibly enjoyed it. Martin could very well be covered in stinky feet as you read this. Fate is strange, is it not?